Revamp

My pressing topic that I mentioned at the end of the last topic is what this whole entry is about. I originally wrote about this in the last entry and I prefaced it with " I'm still reflecting on this matter and I'm not sure if my opinion will remain the same as a I continue to think about it" which is already a red flag but I think the reason for that is I was actually without knowing fighting against the idea but I just didn't know it yet. Deep down I knew it was just a phase and my brain was against me and this makes me glad I didn't mention it without coming to a solid understanding of what I was even experiencing.

The idea I was battling with was "Maybe mediocrity is okay". I was really struggling with my programming, diet and sewing. Every day I woke up I felt burdened and overwhelmed by the fact that I needed to make progress on these things. This led me to not starting on any of them. It went on like this for roughly a week and then I had a seemingly euphoric idea that maybe being rich or successful isn't for me. I looked at pictures of cars and houses and material things that contributed to that "lifestyle" and I didn't care. I thought about every single thing I would do with money if I had it and I still didn't care. In that brief time period of a couple of days i was aspiring for nothing at all and I looked for every reason to support that decision I had made.

What changed? There's a youtuber who I enjoy to watch called Tyson Liberto and his content style really resonates with me. He's not an energetic motivational speaker and he doesn't make "stimulating" content like I usually enjoy but he has this calmness and you sense this sort of inner peace when you listen to him talk despite the immense adversities he's had to face in his life and he reminded me why I need to do what I need to do in a variety of ways. The most direct way he did this was through the warning that boredom or idleness is always wrong. In fact its better to moving in the wrong direction than not at all because when you are idle and not focused on moving you allow anything to creep into your way of thinking and take your time. More often than not the things you allow will be very bad. This helped me to be aware of the reason I even got to the idle state I was in. I don't think I will be able to prevent those type of feelings in future because mentality wise I'm not really that strong but I know I can at least recognise the same patterns and not be deceived by myself in the same way I was before.

My 3 closing thoughts on this are:

- You have an opportunity that other people would kill for. If you live in a more developed part of the world there are people who would die to be there and enjoy the free education and other opportunities you may be taking for granted. If not you likely have somewhat good health. Point is you always have something to be grateful for

- If you felt like me where material things don't really excite you then you have to talk to some older people. Ask them what type of regrets they have about their youth. A lot of people chase things that don't really matter at a young age and regret it later. You're going to have to prioritise something if you don't want evil to creep in and picking something that matters is something you can't regret

- I forgot my last point but here's something else. I am a very emotional person I think especially for a man. I find it easy to cry at things and so forth but the feeling of figuring something like this out without speaking to one of your friends who can tailor counsel and advice to your specific situation and put it on a platter for you is really something special. Putting the different dots together and applying different things to your own situation feels so powerful.

That's all for now see you guys soon