My pressing topic that I mentioned at the end of the last topic is what this whole entry is about. I originally wrote about this in the last entry and I prefaced it with " I'm still reflecting on this matter and I'm not sure if my opinion will remain the same as a I continue to think about it" which is already a red flag but I think the reason for that is I was actually without knowing fighting against the idea but I just didn't know it yet. Deep down I knew it was just a phase and my brain was against me and this makes me glad I didn't mention it without coming to a solid understanding of what I was even experiencing.